2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
