I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
