whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
