dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
