i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
