He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
