i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need moral support for this bender
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
