you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
