Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
