this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've blown a few things in my day
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
