I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
