You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
