I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
