Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
