This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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