My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
