Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
