Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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