I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
