I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
