On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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