i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
