I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
