I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Enjoy the penises
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
