I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
