took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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