Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
