So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
