FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
