Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When are your genitals available?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
