I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
