so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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