Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
