You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
