hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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