i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize