i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
