If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
