she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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