NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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