Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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