mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
