You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
