just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
