If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
