Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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