The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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