I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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