Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
