It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
