Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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