Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
