youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize