so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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