Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My friends, they love my intelligence
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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