I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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