i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
