Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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