Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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