Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
COCAINE IS GR8
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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