So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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