I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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