with your own penis?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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