your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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