Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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