9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
