My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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