my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize