You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
