I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
